Progress

So yeah I know I've been offly quiet this past few months or weeks. I can't remember. Been busy with my assignments which driving me crazy. I've been posting about this dude right? so we're sort of in the comfort zone for now.

Atleast that's what I think. IDK. ok honestly I've fallen hard for him. Like hardcore hard.I swear to god I've never felt anything like this before. Seriously none.

Cause of that I kinda have this sorta insecure feelings. Sometimes I do think that I'm not quite right for him. Like I'm outta his league. Personally he's considered as a hottie type. Ok please don't vomit after reading this. But its a damn fact cause lotsa hot girl tried to get to know him. Damn right I feel a lil intimidated.

I mean like who am I right? I'm just an average girl in her own lost of fantasy world. She doesn't even talks a lot. Probably the least favorite girl. She's not even girly and swears hell load.

Yeah I know. How stupid may I sound like? But I'm just being frank here though. No judgement please.

Sometimes I'm that insecure. I don't have the confident at all. Sadly I must say people are effecting me by their comments about me. I know I may look a lil fat but that actually tears me down hill. Whenever I look myself in the mirror all I can see is the ugly reflection of me.

IDK where did my confidence go. I used to so poised and ignoring everyone whose condemning me but look what happened now? I don't feel good even when I'm wearing skirt. I rarely wear skirts now.

Maybe this does effects myself. Being too humble and riping out my self esteem somehow makes me feel ugly. Its not his fault to make me feel this way. Its my own fault to make myself think this way.

I think its because I want him so bad that I'm actually hurting myself by tearing my self esteem. Anyway, pray for me that he'll make up his mind and choose me instead of letting me go. Somehow part of me is happy and part of me is anxious.

I'm trying my best to think positive because of the positive responses he gave me. Ya Allah, please help. I want to stop acting like a fool. I hate posting about this but I can't help it and luckily only few knows the existence of my blog. Sigh. If only you knew. So readers please pray for my happiness. Insyaallah. Amin.

~LATER

Perasaan

Idk why but I'm feeling weird. I can't see him with other woman. Perasaan tu macam membuak2 nak memberontak. Untuk ape aku nak buktikan yang aku pun boleh dapat orang lain? Tak perlu kan?

Ada yang cakap suruh buat bodoh je tapi perasaan aku ni tak leh nak berubah. Masih insecure. Aku tak yah admit pun orang tau aku de deep feelings for him. Nampakk dari ape aku post kan? Aku penat and at the same time takot dengan rejection.

Sometimes dia nampak macam nak tapi sometimes tak. Tu yang membuatkan aku meroyan macam ni. Aku tak sanggup nak cerita kat sesiapa sebab its embarrassing. Blog ni jela yang aku leh meluahkan.

Aku tak nak jadi bodoh tapi memang dah nampak macam bodoh pun kan? Tah lah. I want him to be with me. But tak kan aku nak cakap kat dia. Dia pun penah cakap dia tak nak fikir sal relationship. Aku nak left him takot tak kuat and takot aku buat salah move. Semuanya buat aku serabut.

God help me. Berikan la aku petunjuk. Haih.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

FWB

Incase if you're wondering what is FWB it is a shortform from Friends With Benefit. If you've watched no strings attached before you might gonna see where this post is heading.

Most people think that FWB is just a friend that you can be more than a friend and have fun with or perhaps get physical. At the first few months you'll feel absolutely nothing and think its a right move. Then after awhile you'll feel awkward and you'll start to think.

Especially when your so called FWB is not around you'll feel odd. Like as though a part of your world is missing or incomplete. Then you'll start to wonder what is this thoughts you're having? When they're around you'll be happy and might not stop smiling.

When you see them having fun or potentially flirting with others you'll get a lil heart sick or simply JEALOUS. Then you start to realized that you're confused. What is this feelings you're having. It can't be because you've clearly stated that you want nothing but getting emotional with your FWB.

You try to ignore the feeling you're having but you just can't. You can't stop thinking about them. They're constantly inside your brain and mind. Next thing you know you're friends told you that you've might fall for them. You insist of denying the fact. The more you think of it the more sense it gets.

You confronted your FWB and they feel the same way. But reality is its not that easy to be in love with your friend. There's loads of risk that you'll have to face. Conclusion is don't ever ever try to agree with having a FWB if you're lucky you'll have a happy ending but if you're not its gonna tear your heart apart.

FYI- this is based on true story not from the movies. FWB can be fun but it will get you back. So prepare yourself.

LATER~