Make-up

"You know what’s crazy?! That some women don’t wear makeup to impress men. Some women do it because they like it. When I wear 5 different colors on my eyes with bright ass pink lipstick I KNOW that ain’t cute. But you know why I do it? Because makeup is about having fun and being artistic. I didn’t need your approval. I just think some men really need to put their egos to the side and STOP thinking that everything women do is to impress you guys."  - Anonymous 

Memories

I didn't tell any of my friends or anyone about this.
Well it's typical me for holding it in me every time I have a deep thoughts about something.

Now,
Ever since I've got that text all of sudden the stupid old memories keeps flashing back.

It suddenly appeared in my mind.
I kept remembering the painful and hurtful memories when I'm with you.

Especially the one when I fall sick because I was so upset of what happened between me and you.

I don't know how long it will take for me to finally get over it.
I'm not saying that I'm still holding on to this shit.
I'm saying that the awful memories kept haunting me.

I'm tired of seeing the same images.
I'm sick of pretending that I'm happy when obviously I was not.
I hate not telling anyone about it because I was so ashamed about it.

I just want it to end.
I want myself to be happy again with or without anyone by my side.

I hate looking myself in the mirror and start feeling sorry about myself.
I hate not having the confidence when I'm around people.
I just hate everything right now.

Maybe this is the reason why I'm always so moody lately.

Not forgiven

It's so easy for you to sent me a text message and ask for an apology.

After what you did?
Yeah of course it was like 7 8 months ago.
But you don't get it.

What I felt that time.
Even until now, how painful I feel after what you did.

I lose faith in love because of what you did.

Well yeah I guess in your logic mind it's no big of a deal.

Guess what dude?

It ain't easy for me to forgive you.
Eventually yes.
Now? I don't think so.

Forgive sounds good, but to forget what you did?
Ain't gonna happen.

And FYI,
The next time you want to ask for forgiveness better make sure you're sincere.

Revenge

So finally, after all that I finally found out that karma actually did her work to you.
But............

Why don't I feel happy about it?
I should be relieved that you're finally feeling exactly the same thing I felt.

I don't get why I don't feel happy.

Maybe I feel sorry for you.
But serves you right for doing what you did.

Of course you'll never gonna learn from the lesson but I did that is NEVER fall someone who's from that state ever again.

A mistake I should've known all along that could really hurt me.

“It’s like being out in the rain and being the only one without an umbrella. People offer you shelter but they’ll get wet too if you accept. So you say no.”

Begin Again

As I listened to Taylor Swift new single entitled "Begin Again"
I begin to wonder,
How can you simply start over and try something that you did before that were clearly a total flopped?

It's definitely an inspiring and lovely song,
But I'm just wondering,
How can you begin again that similar phase you went through before.

How sure of you that it won't ripped off your fragile heart again?

Well yeah,
I don't believe in Trillion chances,
I'm done giving it a try

Every time I give it a try, I'll ended up getting hurt and I don't think I will ever give it a try any time soon.

Lose faith

Every time I fall for a guy
He is either still madly in love with his ex, still cannot move on from the rough break up or something about an ex haunting him.

Guess what?

I'm sick of it.
I decided this time not to make myself in that foolish situation again.
What's the point of trying when you know how the ending would be?

Waste of time.

"Elegance is being equally beautiful inside and outside" - Coco Chanel

Non existence

You can't just decide to talk to me when you want to,
Where are you when I want you the most?

No where to be found just like what I expected.

Trendy: The Peplums

The peplum, that classic little overskirt sprouting from the hips of jackets, pencil skirts, dresses, and even pants have seen a fresh renewal in recent years, it is now one of the Ladylike trending of the Spring season all over the world.

The term “peplum” comes from the Greek word for shawl, “peplos,” which draped lightly on the ancient Greeks’ torsos. In modern fashion, peplums began drawing attention in the mid-19th century, and in the 1947 Christian Dior presented his New Look silhouette, changing fashion forever with its nipped-waists, peplums and full skirts to accentuate an hourglass figure.

The peplum continued to be popular in the early 1950s, embellishing suit jackets and dresses of sophisticated women. Like most things in fashion, it found its way out of the limelight for a while, and in the ’80s, sprung back with a vengeance, this time accompanied by monstrous shoulder pads to match the exaggerated hips.

Most recently, peplum is spotted to be the hottest trends on the international runways from famous designers like Jason Wu, Peter Som, Tony Burch and Christian Dior. 

Peplums were an essential feature in the much celebrated show that brought back the New Look in thoroughly fresh guises. 

They were placed on everything from a double breasted jacket to architectural tops both minimalist and decadently embroidered.

Peplum can accentuate a regular jacket or a dress, and add a quirky touch to an ordinary ensemble. 

Unlike many trends that are restricted only to the catwalks and worn only by fashionistas, this one is being embraced by many regular women because a flared ruffle attached to a bodice or a coat always manages to make a person look well put together.

There’s just something so chic about their architectural yet sleek shape of the peplum that gives fun and feminine twist on your standard blouse. 

It’s so refreshing to finally see the return of the waist after so many seasons of loose-fitting, baggy silhouettes being trendy.

Peplum tops nip the natural waist and are also great for masking not-so-flat stomachs.

If you already have naturally wide-set hips, sometimes the extra fabric can make you look broader than you actually are, so it is better for you to get smaller peplum as skirts and dresses. 

However, if you have a boyish figure both top and bottom peplums will work for you since they instantly create the illusion of an hourglass frame. 

Regardless of your body shape this trend is suitable for everyone and most women can pull off easily looking sophisticated, feminine and chic. 

Just be conscious of your shape and wear what work best for you either it is top or for bottom peplum.

Question

How can you ensure that you like someone?
How can you ensure that you have feelings for them?

Because he/she is always on your mind?
Because he/she always makes you smile?
Because he/she make your heart skip a beat?

How can you ensure that it is not just because of the presence?
Maybe his/her presence in your life made you think they're special.

How can you ensure that it is not just because of the familiarity?
Maybe because the familiarity of comfort makes you think you like 'em.

Then again,
How is my argument or statement valid?

My real question is how can you ensure that person will never going to break your heart?

Is the term 'You will never know unless you try' legit?
What if you try and you can never recover from the rock bottom?

It occurred to me that people always tells you to try and just go for it,
But they never tell you what should you do if nothing goes right.

I guess that's why we are prone to have a heart break,
Because we aren't ready and we aren't prepared for it.

Untangled

Have you ever feel so empty,
That even the cult on wrist is just painless?

Lately,
I'm feeling empty,
So empty that heartache of mine is in silence.

My screaming heart is no longer whining about pain,
It is filled with winds and emptiness.

The ambience of my heart is not describable,
My emotion is dead.

Sometimes I question myself,
Why am I feeling empty?
I couldn't find the answer.

My days are filled with the derived of wanting to be successful,
I pushed away the possibilities of being happy,

My mind told me to manipulate my heart,
Why?
Because the last time I listened to what my heart desired it screwed me.

Seems legit.

I'm at level where I'm in pain and wanting to cry myself out,
Not a single drop of  tears fallen,
And yes,
My wounded heart is not healed.

The saddest thing about being hurt is when you can't feel anything,
Its as though the has come to and end,
And for that very second you knew your heart dies.

I'm in disguise,
I put on my mask,
I'm wearing my fake smile to put on an illusion of a strong girl.

Deep within this strong girl is dying,
She's screaming but no one can hear.

She doesn't want people to perceived her as weak,
So,
She's bluffing everyone by portraying of how happy and poised she is.

Everyday I pray that everything would change,
I hope that I'll genuinely be happy,
But I knew that it is too good to be true. 

.....

It is embarrassing to show people how you actually feel.
It is hard to be vulnerable and to show how weak you are as a person.
Especially when you're the one that most of your peers look out for.
To maintain a good stable emotion is really hard especially when you've been through hell.

I must say that its never easy to face the fact that I've been cheated on and lied.
Of course I don't want to tell anyone that its actually a heart breaking.
My heart shattered into million of pieces yet no one seems to noticed anything.
I don't want people to judge me and think that I'm weak.

None of my friends knew that its killing me.
I can't seems to forget all the things that happened.
I wish I could erase all the memories we had but I couldn't.
I tried so hard to be poised and not to crack but I can't help it.

I'm too weak.
I'm not strong enough.
I tried to convinced myself that it doesn't affect me but it does.
I tried to smile and laugh but who am I kidding?

Its breaking my heart that I knew he's much more happier with her than with me.
Its killing me to see him being all happy and I'm here being miserable.
Its ripping my heart off when people sympathized me when they knew.
Its as though I'm a joke.

Every flash back suddenly appeared when I'm alone.
I tried so hard not to loose it.
I know I deserve much better.
I know this is part of Qada' and Qadar.

But I'm only human.
I'm a women with emotions.
I'm vulnerable and weak.
I'm not perfect and never will be.

I'm ashamed to admit that its killing.
I don't want to get the same lecture from different people.
I refuse to talk about it because I already knew what their responds is.
When I held it inside its ripping me apart.

I don't know how long will I take this time to heal.
Honestly, it hurts so bad.
This is the hardest experienced ever.
I hope I'm strong enough to face this.

Love is something that is not easily explained.

Love is something that is not easily explained
No one word can express it
And no one person feels the same about it
It’s waking up in the morning wanting to be with that one person
And going to bed feeling the same way
It’s knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with him
And it’s a feeling so great that no matter what anyone says will never be taken away
It’s crying every night when the one you love doesn’t love you back
It’s feeling that pain in your heart when you lose that one person.
But to just hear those three little words come from his mouth
And actually know he means it
That’s the best feeling in the world
To know that someone loves you for you
And wants to be with you forever
Love is hard to find, and even harder to keep
It takes time and effort to keep it going
But you don’t mind because you would do anything in the world to keep it
It’s knowing that when you come home you’ll have someone to share your day with
It’s that last conversation of the night before you fall asleep
He’s the first one you want when you wake up
The only thing that’s on your mind all day, every day
It’s knowing that someone’s always there for you to cry on
Someone’s always there for you to talk to about anything
And won’t judge you for that
It’s the person you feel the most comfortable with in the world
And to know that you have that
That you share that special bond with one other person
That’s the best feeling in the world.
But when you lose that feeling
When you lose the only thing that ever mattered to you
It seems like life has no purpose, no point at all
You feel like you could just curl up and die
That nothing or no one else matters to you
And the only thing that you’ve ever wanted is now gone
And you will do anything to get him back,
Because he’s worth it!
~K

http://southerngirlk.tumblr.com/post/20444188314/love-is-something-that-is-not-easily-explained-no

Definition

How do you define love? How sure are you that one person you adore, you worship is not gonna lie to you? Does effort defines love? Does more communications defines love? What really is love?

Believe me you can't precisely define love because we experienced a different kind of love. There are good and there are bad. Pros and cons which pretty much developed us as who we are as so called a 'lover'.

But what I've been dealing is how can the sparks and chemistry disappear at a certain time? Would you just simply give up on the relationship if there's no more sparks? Is that even legit?

Frankly, what I've been going through is a confusion stage of 'why don't I feel happy like I used to?'. I'm trying to be optimistic about it but I keep getting back to the same answer. I knew the answer but I'm not sure if I would want to confront it.

Its been 2 months or so and yes still new still brand new and I've been feeling like as though there's a distant between us. I don't what else to talk about with him. I don't seem excited to get his calls or text. Its dull.

I feel like as though we're a 5 years old married couple. That's how I feel but I don't know if he feels the same.

He seems to be okay with not communicating with me as often as he do before and he seems to be okay by not seeing me. Idk prolly I think too much.

Idk why do I feel this way maybe because I've been off relationship for very long time so I tend to think more negative stuff than I should or this is really a serious matter that I should be consulting with him?

Gahhhhhh its killing me. This is the reason why I'd avoid being in a relationship because of all the confusion the alone heartache. Its so ridiculous on how I can think a certain thing and then leads to something beyond negative.

Goshhh somebody really need to sleep me on the face. But seriously I think its time for me not to put him as my top priority and focus more on developing my future career. If you ask me how much do I love him? I can't really tell. I'm still confused.

It's like I do love him but I'm terrified of the consequences.  This is what happened if you loved someone so much before but it goes to waste. You're scared. You're constantly in doubt. Its tiring.

As usual I have no one I can talk to with so the next best thing to channel all my confusion is to blog about it. Hmh. For once I would like him to surprised me with something unexpected ya know? I understand that he's tired of all his work that he needs to push his ass in order to live but I feel neglected.

Like as though I'm at bottom of the list. As though I'm no longer his muse. I'm no longer the one he's excited of hearing from. I want the old him back. The one that used to make me laugh. The one that care about me. The one that made me happy.

Cause frankly nothing made me happy not even a marathon of How I Met Your Mother.

Its either he's changed or my expectation is high.

I need a miracle and an answer.

LATER~

Anger

Do you know how's it feel to held it in yourself?
Like you wanted to be angry but you can't cause you have to keep it cool?
When the wrong time comes up and all of sudden the anger you kept after all this time just suddenly booming to let out?

That's exactly how I feel right now and I don't know what to do everytime it appears. I'm so anry but I don't know how to let it out.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

I don't understand

I don't get you, one minute you sees me as friend, one minute you want me.

Okay I know I've told you that I'll wait for you but I have my own feelings as well.

Don't you know how broken I am when you gave me false hope?

Now you've seen me with someone else all of sudden you can't accept the fact that I've moved on?

Well your lost there mate, told chu I ain't wait forever.

Its your fault for not giving me the assurance I've been seeking from you.

I hope you know how I feel for the 6 months period of waiting with uncertainty whether or not you'd fight for me.

Sorry that I've found someone deserving and someone much better than you.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Theme;Sports wear.

The other day @isepunye has convinced me to do a photoshoot with him. The theme was sports wear but because this was just a try out so I decided to wear jeans.

This is a few of the photoshoot that I took and I must say I look like a mess. Don't judge please.

And please ignore my editing. I know it sucks. Well yeah this is the photoshoot. Any comment do gimme a respond.

LATER~

Hello 2012

Quick updates from me who has been neglected my blog.

So sorry for the confusing blog post. There's an up and downs in my life. I know how tragic.

Anyways, life has been good for 2012. As you may know I'm in my semester break but currently I'm working temporary as a fashion writer.

No people ain't that glamorous as it sound. LOL. For real.

And yes I met someone recently. I know its so typical of me. Been crushed and been back up again so fast.

I guess I have not lose my faith in terms of finding the one. That's how it goes anyway isn't it? You'll never if you never try and if you fail just give yourself a chance to be all sad and then move on with your current life.

Funny thing is I've learned a lot from being broken. Somehow there's a lil more strength that I've gained from being completely broken.

I seriously don't know where this is leading me. I don't know if my decisions is true but I know that I'm willing to give it a try. Insyaallah there's not gonna be another heart break.

So yeah I've started with a great 2012 and hopefully 2012 will give more happiness and joy and so does to all of you who read this.

LATER~

New Chapter

When all else fail,
You came to me and enlighten my days,
You gave me reasons to believe,
I know for sure this is real.

Although this is still early,
I want to be yours,
I want to call you mine,
I want to fall for you.

Honestly,
I've lose faith,
I'm hopeless when it comes to love,
I'm always been afraid of love.

Somehow accidentally meeting you,
Changed my perception,
Changed my believes,
You prove to me there are a decent guys.

I don't want to rush into things,
I want to take a slow step,
I want to feel the every blossom feelings,
Until the right time comes to be YOURS.

You might not be my first,
You might not be my last either,
But I'm sure I want to be with you,
In the presence and in the future.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Another same phase

I knew it.
I've told myself not to fall but I was too stubborn to listen.
I've told myself this ain't it but I was dumb to noticed.
Look what have happened?

I was yet again torn apart.
The one I thought would never do that to me actually did it.
Was I sad?
Hell yeah I was.

I wanted to tell him every single thing that I've been kept inside me.
But somehow something keep me away from doing that.
I know its not worth it.
I don't want to humiliate myself.

I was stupid to think that this might turn out to be something great.
Again I was wrong.
The same douche again.
I'm tired of this shit.

Will I ever trust anyone again?
Can I have these kind of feelings again?
It hurts me to the core.
I can actually feels my heart aching.

Again,
2011 ain't a great year after all.
I don't know how long will I kept seeing these type till i met the one.
I'm tired of this punishment.

I want things to be easy like it used to.
I'm tired of constantly living in pain.
Pain that cannot be seen.
It is the hardest thing to deal with.

Thank you so much for lead me on.
Thank you for wasting time with me for 7 months.
Thank you for the false hope.
Thank you for proving my theory that every guy is a freaking DOUCHE!