No longer using blackberry bold 9000

If you have my twitter and facebook you should know that recently my blackberry was seriously damaged. I sent it over for repair and for 2 days after repair it was okay. Then it started to get all bitchy again.

Imagine I've to pay for RM290 just to fix it and turns out its not even fixed. I was so mad. I went back to the shop and all they can say is "its the same problem. if you want to fix it you have to pay me RM200 cause there's no warranty for previous repair".

I swear to god! I was so close of punching his goddamn face. Obviously he was lying. Obviously he didn't fix the goddamn phone. Its ridiculous that my phone can't all of sudden damage in just 2 days. It doesn't make sense at all.

So I give up. I give up trying to find money to fix it cause i think it will get busted again. I want to sell it and buy new phone. I have to find work for a month at least.

Yes people I'm no longer using it you can delete me from your list. Please and thank you.

LATER~

IDGAD

You can pin point it to me as you like. You can judge me. You can say bad things about me.

Seriously, I'm so tired and sick to even care. I can't please anyone. I can't make everyone like me. I have flaws. I'm imperfect.

Go ahead start rumors. go tell everyone how sucks I am. go and sell your best stories about me.

If you know me if you really really know me you won't be that stupid. I don't give a damn anymore. This is not high school. This isn't beauty pageant.

Once again if you don't like me you know which way you should go. You can get the hell outta my life. You can stop being such a fake to me like seriously? you think I don't know? Honey I can feel the vibe.

If you decides to step outta my life go ahead. See if I care.

LATER~

Truths (curik from miss neddy)

NAME: Nur Liyana Aqilah bt Kasim

AGE: 22

BIRTHDATE: 3rd September 1989

PRESENT ADDRESS: Subang Jaya, Selangor Darul Ehsan

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = Ice lemon tea

2. last phone call = Rara Azman

3. last text message = from Shaddiq can't remember what

4. last song you listened to = Pitbull feat Neyo-give me everything

5. last time you cried = yesterday

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = yes

7. been cheated on = yes

8. kissed someone & regretted = yes

9. lost someone special = just did

10. been depressed = currently am

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

11. Pink

12. Purple

13. black

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

14. Made a new friend = A lot!

15. Fallen in love = Yes

16. Laughed until you cried = yeyyars

17. Met someone who changed you = yes

18. Found out who your true friends were = yes exactly

19. Found out someone was talking about you = happened a lot

20. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = yes

GENERAL:

21. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = 90%

22. Do you have any pets = no

23. Do you want to change your name = yes make my so called stage name real. haha

24. What did you do for your last birthday = went to bubba gumps for berbuka with me girls

25. What time did you wake up today = 2pm

26. What were you doing at midnight last night = crying over some shit

27. Name something you CANNOT wait for = finish degree and get a job

28. Last time you saw your Mother= few hours a go

29. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = stop falling for the wrong guy

30. What are you listening to right now = click five-don't let me go

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = no

32. What's getting on your nerves right now = backstabbing byatch which is one of my friend

33. Most visited webpage = Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr

34. Nickname = LC

35. Relationship Status = single and don't give a damn anymore

36. Zodiac sign = Virgo

37. Male or Female = Female

38. Elementary = SK SS17 Subang Jaya

39. High School = SMK SS17 Subang Jaya

40. College = UNISEL(DIPLOMA) & LIMKOKWING UNIVERSITY of CREATIVE TECHNOLOGY (DEGREE)

41. Hair color = Brown with a blonde highlight

42. Long or short = Long

43. Height = 170cm

44. Do you have a crush on someone? = used to

45. What do you like about yourself? = I'm a good listener and give out productive advices

46. Tattoos = If it not against my religion YES

47. Righty or lefty = Righty

FIRSTS:

48. First surgery = None

49. First piercing = 18

50. First best friend = Liyana Shazreen

51. First sport you joined = Netball

52. First vacation = some where in Indonesia

53. First pair of trainers = Can't remember

RIGHT NOW:

54. Eating = No

55. Drinking = No

56. I'm about to = Sleep

57. Listening to = Christina Perri-Jar of Hearts

58. Waiting for = semester to start

YOUR FUTURE:

59. Want kids? = yeah

60. Get Married? = Yes but late marriage i guess

61. Career? = ofcourse! I'm dying to be a fashion journalist.

WHICH IS BETTER:

62. Lips or eyes = Lips

63. Hugs or kisses = Kisses

64. Shorter or taller = Taller

65. Older or Younger = Older

66. Romantic or spontaneous = Romantic

67. Nice stomach or nice arms = Stomach

68. Sensitive or loud = Sensitive

69. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship 

70. Trouble maker or hesitant = Trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger = Frankly?? yeah. haha

72. Lost glasses/contacts = yes a lot

73. Sex on first date = what am i? a hoe?

74. Broke someone's heart = yeah and not proud of it.

75. Had your own heart broken = am broken now

76. Been arrested = no!

77. Turned someone down = yes several times

78. Cried when someone died = yes

79. Fallen for a friend = Yes and its breaking me heart right now

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself = yeah I do

81. Miracles = not really

82. Love at first sight = no

83. Heaven = Yes

84. Santa Claus = The hell?

85. Kiss on the first date = depends

86. Angels = Yes

Its hard

I thought I'm strong enough to face this alone. Day by day its eating me alive. I can't seems to get him off my mind. He even appeared in my dreams. Ofcourse I still love him.

Feelings is one thing I can't control. I want it to fade but the memories reminds me of how great things were. I know I shouldn't be this way. I've no control of it. I don't want to remember but it keeps popping to my mind.

Every place we've been before, everything we did together I can't seems to get off it my mind. Knowing you're dying to get over me is ripping me off.

I mean why? Why did you let me go if you know you're feeling the same way. Why are you so afraid? Why can't you just give it a chance? Why are you being such a coward. You're a man for god sakes. You got balls you shouldn't be that low.

It kills me to have thoughts of "what if I found out you've got a new girl". Frankly, I'll be torn into million pieces. I'll be strong if you stay single but once I know you've found someone new I swear to god it'll effect me. I might be grieving over it for years. I won't contact you at all.

Yes I know I'm weak. Shocking right how much this guy have impact me? I know how strange it is for reading my post like this. I'm just human. This is beyond my control and expectation. I'm not prepared for this.

I might be down for months or probably years. I know there's a saying that "if its meant to be it will meant to be eventually". I don't believe in that crap. I'm so mad at my self for falling this hard. I should have known. I should have listen to my instinct instead of being so logical and emotional.

Seriously I hate this. I hate this process of shattering broken heart disease. Ain't gonna tell any of my friends cause I don't think anyone would understand and I don't want anyone to have a wrong perception towards him. It is my own fault for involving into this mess. I was so ego and thought I can live with this pain. I'm so vulnerable.

Ya Allah, please help me. I just want to forget everything. I just want to be happy. I hate putting a fake smile while inside I'm dying. I hate crying alone at night when I remember all of  our memories. I hate knowing fact that things will never gonna be the same again between me and him. I hate knowing that its not me besides him right now. Give me strength to face all of this pain. I know I have to move on. Give me ways to find peace and be calm.

LATER~

Past

Ex scandal secara ttbe datang balik cari aku. Aku pun tak paham kenape.

Mungkin ni dugaan Allah nak bagi. Nak tengok sekuat mane aku ni. Aku redha.

Ade sorang ni memang dulu aku minat sangat kat dia. Ttbe muncul balik dlm hidup aku. Ttbe rancak balik bual2 dengan dia. Ttbe rapat semacam ngan dia.

Memang la aku happy dia datang balik kat aku tapi macam biasa la kan? ade terdetik kat hati aku ckp ni semua sementara je. kang nanti drifted apart balik. Aku bosan betol la on and off ni. Jap cari jap menghilang bosan ok?

Dah malas dah. Makanya aku redha jela. Layan kan aje kalau dia text. Kalau x xde maknenye aku nak cari dia. I've grown. Aku tak nak buat the same mistakes. Aku tak suka rase laki buat aku macam mainan. Bila nak gune cari bila tak tinggal kan. Sakit hati aku.

New life?

Im not bragging but after he left idk why there's many guys asking me to go out for a date with 'em. Especially my past ex scandal and ex boyfriend.

I can go out with them and enjoy with my life. But who am I kidding? I'm still traumatized. I still wants him in my life.

If I go out with them there's part of me will start to compare them with him. I'll spoil everything and end up being offly quiet. I'm not ready for a date.

Maybe in a few months yes but now I think I'm trying to put back the broken pieces into places until its done then I'm ready to meet news people and date.

I'm sorry I guess I'm just not that kind of girl who would simply go out with anyone in order to forget about that particular person who broke her heart. Its just not me.

LATER~

The end

At last he ended it. He said he wasn't ready for a commitment. There are few things that I'm disappointed about. It was kinda bullshit. I feel like slapping him for telling me that statement. Its too personal to write it here.

So it only lasted for 6 months. I admit it I was definitely heart broken. You don't know how shattered my heart it. Seriously I'm still broken until today.

The next day he text me and he acted as if nothing happened. I left my hardisk to him so i wanted to get it back. When i met him he was being all okay as if nothing ever happened. I was totally annoyed by it. It was awkward for me.

A few days after my friend told me he made a status "she falls she waits she's dying im thinking i decided im missing im dying". Maybe he wants me to know that he's dying also. But boohoo dude. You left me.

The pain that I'm facing is much more worse than you're feeling. Eveyone kept asking what's wrong with me. Everyone realized that me and you have drifted apart. Do you how hard it is for me to fake a smile by saying that we're okay?

Do you know how ashamed I am to admit that you left? I was stupid for having so much faith on you. I thought when you told me you feel the same way you actually did. Sigh. Indeed  honey I am dying!

I don't know how to react infront of you if I've found out you've found my replacement. I dont know. Its hard for me. Its hurting me. Its tearing me up.

No worries I'm done crying. I'm done grieving over him. I've moved on.

I know how on the surface I've showed that I'm strong. Nothing can ever brings me down. I'm only human. I have feelings. I'm vulnerable. It does tears me apart. Ofcourse I'm frustrated as hell.

Idk how to lose all of the memories. In 6 months we did a lot together. He's been with me 24/7 imagine how much of pain and loss i felt when he left? Its as if apart of me is missing. Im so used of having him around and now he's gone.

I can't find him and tell him everything like how it used to. I have my pride. I have my ego. I won't lose it eventhough I need him so much. I know eventually I'll forget him or probably puts him into the museum of those you used to be the world to me.

I have to continue with my life. People said if you're meant to be you'll find away to get back no matter what the hurdles are. So if its not happening now maybe it will later. But I'm not putting my hopes high. Truthfully, I'm done. I'm too exhausted with this shit.

Im done going round in the same circles. Im done seeing the same douche. Im sick and tired of everything. No more love thang for me in atleast 6 months from now. I'm too broken to accept anyone.

Although his presence still lingers here I know I will slowly move on with my life and forget him completely. Insyaallah. Amin

LATER~