Odd

Can you just imagine the awkwardness when you're in a room full of people and there's 3 or more people that you sort of have a past history of? Well I definitely had experienced it recently. So I was with a bunch of people and there is also a few of people that I used to have "history" with. It was beyond awkward and I just can't describe how odd it was.

Though I smile and act as if I was cool with it but frankly I was not. It was just weird and wrong. Funny when you have nothing but just a memory with them you can't seem to find something to say to them. Like nothing is right to say you know? When you're with them you are too eager to get to know them but once its over its like nothing left to be discover.

But I missed them all. Not the "moment" but just the person themselves. I kinda missed talking to them like how I used to but not in a flirty kind of way but in a normal casual friend way. I'm ok if they are okay but I can feel the cold shoulder so whats the point of acting like its normally been done before? Time have past and people do change. I just wish everything would be like how it used to but then again its just wish isn't it?


LATER~

Hip Bone

Someone told me if you wanna know whether u're in the skinny category or not first thing to check is ur visible hip bones. If its visible and u can see when u look urself in the mirror meaning that u're in the skinny category. Then if u stand still with ur legs close together and there's a gap between it well congratulation u're officially a skinny bitches.

So i went home and stare my self at the mirror and i saw my hip bones and its visible but sad thing is my stomach is too flabby. HAHA. and ofcourse my there's no gap between my legs. Disappointed for a few second and then i laughed of how silly i am for having that urge of wanting to be skinny. well i do love my body whether its fat medium or super skinny.

i'll look good in anyway i want it as long as i feel good for my self .im awesome just the way i am. if a guy thinks i dont have the body type of what they're looking then its not my freaking problem. they should like me for who i am not what i am. how shallow can they be? pfft. like seriously girls. love ur body. love urself. treat urself good cz no one can do it better than urself. stop forcing urself to be too perfect. no one in the world is perfect.

Just as long as u're healthy u're BMI is ok then u should just live ur life like how it is. stop being too influenced by the mass media of how they interpreted that only skinny people are beautiful and can be accepted by others. u're beautiful of who u are. stop feeling so insecure of urself. and stop obsessing of being skinny. dont stop eating but eat healthily. change ur perception of ONLY SKINNY BITCHES LOOKS HOT cz they dont they look scary and unhealthy. so start telling urself that u're beautiful no matter how many flaws u have.

LATER~ 

complicated

Have u ever stuck in a situation where u're broken like a shattered glass but then when someone came into ur life at the wrong time u started to feel so alive and all of sudden u kinda like that person for being so nice to u. I have but not currently. Apparently it happened to my friend.

If u're reading this i gotta say im sorry to sell off ur story. Though i never told u this but this is what i analyzed what actually happen. First, u're down and feel that no one seems to understand how u feel and all of sudden u feel like everyone else is against u. u started to be quiet. u started to kept everything by ur own. u started to be overly sensitive almost about anything.

Then one fine day someone came into a picture and made u smile again. as if he knows exactly how u've been through. so u started to get to close to that person and all of sudden u started to feel attached and u're wondering. does he like me? why is he giving me this signals? is he flirting with me?. u start to be confused with ur own feelings. u're guilty and start to think whether or not its a feeling then u start to tell one of ur friends and they disagree with u.

u start to think they're always condemning u and constantly disagreeing with everything u said.so u start to follow what ur heart tells u which is to have feelings to that unfortunate guy who came into ur life at the wrong time.then after awhile u realized that u keep on living in a same cycle of frustration.the guy doesnt feel the same way.u feel like a complete idiot.u're once again a proud broken hearted girl.and the same shit keeps on happening to u.and u kept blaming guys and fate.

Snap out of it girl!1st of all that guy u're falling for or kept falling for is just another rebound that u want to hide away from the pain that u've been thru. 2nd of all its a guy thing to flirt with girls and this is a fact. guys will always flirts no matter who u are. his friends his colleague except his relatives of course. but fact is they are one flirtatious creature. so don't get over excited by the false signals that they're giving it to u.sometimes they don't even realized that they're actually flirting.sometimes its a joke and once a guy is all comfortable with u means he sees u as just a friend.not more than that.unless if he's all clumsy and not being himself then u should watch out for possible other signals.then stop over thinking about every single thing.just because a guy is being nice to u and always offer for help that doesnt mean that he likes u.

Stop to fall easily for someone or else u'll get hurt.u have to learn to be cool and calm with things.start with thinking "oh this guy is great a listener i shall make him my friend". u should stop having this thoughts of EVERY GUY HAVE A POTENTIAL TO BE MY FUTURE BF. Seriously?are u 9 year old?come on.stop being so freaking immature and start to think wisely.use ur brain not ur heart.sometimes ur guts arent telling u the right thing.always always think of the pros and cons.if u dont wish to always falls back to the same cycle prevent ur self from liking people so quick.

Love is not everything and not the only thing that make u happy.sometimes loves can make u the sickest person alive.theres loads of other things that u can focus on rather than to think of finding a companion.u have a great life with ur family and friends do cherish all of that.some people might not get what u're having right now.bersyukur kpd Allah S.W.T of what u're have.and so what if that person doesnt want u?there's loads of other people out there yet to be discover.stay positive.think positive.we all love u and i think this is the only way that i can express how i feel.

I hate seeing someone i love being such a fool just because of an idiot doesnt feel the same way.its pathetic and u know it.u're stronger than u think u are.stop acting like a dumbass and start using ur brain instead of ur emotions.u're young.u're beautiful.stop feeling down like no one out there wants u.if u do then u're just too stupid to realized how amazing u are.if u urself cant realized that than i dont think no one else can.

LATER~

Funneh

You know what's funny? Its about my height. I'm 5'5 or 168cm. I've always been the tallest among my friends. And I always have this problem to find a guy which is taller than me. Cz I'll find guys who have similar height with me and that's a major turn off.

So because of my height people will always ask my help to get anything they want that is located on the top shelf. Once, I was wearing a 4inch wedges and accompanied my friend to find clothes at cotton on. There's this girl who is indeed shorter than me asked for my help to get this shoe from the top shelf. It was really funny.

Well actually being tall isn't that cool at all. I kinda feel like a giant whenever I wear heels cz i'll be like huge and tall. This height is also one of my insecurities though. Weird right? I kinda wish I'm petite cz they look so cute but I'm thankful for being tall cz its easier for me to wear any clothes. LATER~

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Awkward

I've always have this principals that I never gonna break. Which is once I've classified these dudes that we're friends means we are only friends. There will never be more or a lil something something.

Frankly, I've violated my principals before and I'm not proud of it. Though it hurts right thru your core. Seriously guys, if you have an opposite sex friends don't ever end up having feelings towards them. The consequences might be brutal.

So I might have been  facing this problem again. But just a tiny story of it cause if I told the whole story it might be too obvious and I don't want anyone to know. This guy I knew for almost 2 years all of sudden have interest in me. Idk if its just because he was lonely and need a companion or something. Cause ya know, people tend to do something stupid when their lonely.

And indeed it was very much awkward between me and him right now. It was never the same. I mean idk why its awkward between me and him before this there's few other people who've told me they have interest in me but i can be like damn cool with it but when it comes to this guy its all awkward. Maybe because I'm afraid of what it might happen if people knew. I don't want to ruin our friendship he's like a gay partner to me though (in a joking way). I just can't believe he'll have a slightest feelings for me cause we're good friend.

Idk how to react infront of him if we hang out together. I hate putting my poker face. I've been thru a lot and I hate facing another problem. I hope it was just temporary cause I would never jeopardize my friendship over something that is not real. I would rather stay friends than lose him as my friend. So guys never ever jeopardize your friendship cause friendship is very valueable and its hard to sustain. If you have a slightest feelings towards your friend just keep it to yourself.

Don't destroy it cause relationship is where someone can acted out of their norm. I hope everything will turn out to be like it used to be. LATER~

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Lovely Advice

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did in 2009.
7. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
8. Sleep for 7 hours.
9. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
10. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
11. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
12. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
13. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
15. Dream more while you are awake.
16. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
17. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
18. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
19. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
20. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
21. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
22. Smile and laugh more.
23. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
24. Call your family often.
25. Each day give something good to others.
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
28. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
31. Do the right thing!
32. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
33. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. The best is yet to come.
36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Keep holding on

Everyone hates being sad. Neither do I. But what I hate the the most is seeing someone I love falls down hard. It kills me to see them in that position. What's worst is you can't seems to find the solution to heal them that only they themselves knows how. Everybody have their own way of dealing their problems. Some people choose to ignore it and some find it hard to not bother. I guess I can be in the list of someone who'll tend to ignore it. Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes u just have to ignore a certain thing live your life they way it should be. Piece of advice don't keep everything to yourself or you'll be mad. There are things best to be unspoken but when it comes to something that's bothering you, you've got to let it out. This blog is a quick therapy for me to channel all my crazy thoughts. There are things that others are willing to hear and there's don't. You just really need to find away to channel all that away then you'll be relieve. Bare in mind not everyone bother to know how you're live have been. They don't give a damn if your life sucks. So just suck it up and be happy. Life is too short to be depressing. Later~

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

judge

I think its human nature for actually judge someone based on their appearance. "DONT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER". This quote is often use when you realized that you've already judging them by their cover. Frankly, I'm one of them.

I can't deny it cause its normal. You see someone with weird clothing or with slutty clothing you'll have this thoughts that she's a slut. But when it happens to myself I really am pissed.

Who are they to judge who I am before knowing my story? Even if you're my friend you don't know my real story. What I've been going through. I don't want sympathy. I don't need attention. I am who I am.

Everyone have their own story who made who they are today. I may look strong or perhaps stuck up but deep inside I can be very vulnerable. I may be smiling over your jokes but deep inside its killing me and brakes me to pieces.

What I really hate about this matter is people always have the same impression of who I am. They always told me that I'm arrogant, stuck up, snobbish, spoiled brat, party animal, play girl, and so on. Like seriously people! Stop making your stupid assumption of who I am. I don't talk to you doesn't make me arrogant its because I'm socially awkward. I'm so awkward and its hard for me to find something to talk about.

Then just because I wear this and that doesn't makes me a spoiled brat. I have a crazy controlling family. I don't always get what I want. I work hard to get what I want for instance my blackberry. Took me hell of a month to get it. My parents don't give a special treatment like anyone else parents gave. I don't have my own car and I'm turning 22 soon. What's so spoiled about that? Shocking right?

I'm not a party animal because I don't go out at night. I have curfews. Even my girlfriends who wears hijab can go out at night. So yeah I don't go to club. I don't even listen to trance music and whatever genre it is in club. I'm not a player. If I am I would be having more than 20 ex right now and I'm still single and still am afraid of commitments. I'm loyal to the only one I fall for.

I'm sick of all the assumptions. I hate it to be called this and that. If you don't know my story stop making it up. And yes I am boring. I do have a plain normal boring life that is so no thrilling about but this is just who I am. I am plain boring. I am normal. I am ordinary. I am a plain Jane. If you think that you can't cope with my "boringness" i suggest you to leave the hell out of me. To those who thinks that there's more about me that they want to know are welcome to stay.

Seriously I can't afford another stupid drama in my life. Enough is enough. We're all a grown ups now. Use you brain to think wisely and stop acting like a child. Be mature act mature. There's so many beautiful things you can find about someone once you get to know them. That's what makes them special and unique of who they are. LATER~

Happy

I guess its true that this 11/1/11 number is sort of a good number. He IM me on facebook today. I'm glad to know that he really is cool over the confession thing.

Its good that he's cool of us just being friends. I'm so relieved cause i thought that he'll react just like my other crushed did by ignoring me and act totaly awkward around me.

If he can IM me first then i guess we're cool and at the great place. Thank god this isn't a huge impact for me though. And yes people. I have balls for confessing to the guy i have crush with. I think its better that way cause i hate to wait.

Now i can happily live my life like it should be. Forever Alone as always. LATER~

Wonders

Sampai sekarang aku masih tertanya tanya. Kalau kita suka sama suka dengan seseorang memang perlu ke untuk settle down dan couple? Tak boleh ke cuma stay dengan ada perasaan mutual tanpa ikatan dan live your life macam biasa?

Kenapa mesti semua orang anggap kalau dia suka seseorang dia perlu menjalinkan 1 ikatan? Bukan kah lagi elok kalau sekadar dalam proses mengenali untuk figure out apa maksud sebenar suka tu? Ke aku sorang je yang berfikiran macam ni? Aku rase aku lebih selesa dengan apa yang cakap kan tadi dari menjalinkan serious relation.

We're young we'll change to time to time. Susah nak paham orang. Dah kahwin 10thn pun belum tentu lagi kita kenal siapa pasangan kita tu. Kenapa perlu terlalu serious dalam relationship sedangkan ia boleh menjadi lebih menarik jika ada sedikit goofy in relationship. Kenape terlalu taksub untuk bagitahu 1 dunia dia milik kita? Bukan cinta namenye tu itu kemegahan.

Jadi apekah itu cinta sejati? Or soulmate? Bila masanya kita dapat tau dia la org nya? Betol ke org yg kita kahwin tu cinta sejati kita? Susah untuk diungkapkan? Tepuk dada tanya selera. Semua ini akan terjawab bila terjadi depan mata tanpa disedari. Insyaallah. LATER~

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Failure to launch

2011 was supposed to booze up my life right? But no. Certaintly karma is a bitch. So I have to learn to face this rejection for what I did before. Accepting consequences. Moving on. Better luck next time. LATER

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Confession

Guess what? I just went nuts yesterday. I just can't keep it to myself anymore about the feelings I feel for him. 1st attempt I said I've missed talking to him like we used to cause I realized that the spark had faded. Then I chicken out from telling him the truth. Next I try to provoke him to play the numbers and status thingy. And BAAM he inbox me his number. Immediately I confessed what I've been feeling all this while. Shitty thing is. He's off when I posted the goddamn status. So now I'm waiting anxiously for him to read it and perhaps respond. I don't mind if he sees me as just a friend atleast I have balls to tell how I feel. Fuh! Relieved. LATER..

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Loneliness

Surely every single human in this world would want to be loved and cherish by someone isn't it? so do i. But in this case I'm not the one who's feeling lonely. How can I be lonely when I'm surrounded with my awesome friends?

Well I'd talked to several people about how do they really feel. Thus, this is why I'm post this new entry. For those who knew me u surely will know how weird I am for wanting to understand people better. So after listening to what they have told me I found out that most of single people will most likely to feel lonely.

Usually this will occur when they're all alone at a certain places with nothing to do. They'll have this slightest thoughts of "I'm so lonely and its killing me". Though actually its just a common feeling of "Im so bored I need to do something more productive". Just because u're single that doesn't mean that u're lonely.

I admit it I do sometime feels that way u know the urge of finding a partner. But when it comes to sense where u have to consider about this certain things u'll automatically will be like "Why do I have to find a partner just to be happy? I can be happy with or without a partner."

I don't know how some people could be like "I can't live without a partner besides me". I mean how pathetic can u be? I'm not judging anyone but really? u can't live without having a BF/GF? Oh God, life isn't all about finding ur soulmates u know? so what if u screw ur love life? there's other things that u have to focus on. Something like ur future which consist of education and job.

U can find love but its hard to sustain ur life. Besides, it doesn't mean when u're in relationship u can't be lonely. Believe me u can. I can assure u that being in a relationship can be worst than being single with no one to take care of. Because u have to work with 2 person and u have to compromise. U can't be selfish. U can't have this thoughts that says " ME ME ME". U have to change it to "YOU and ME". Its not easy.

I'm so glad I'm single cause I have to think about nothing but my self. So people stop over analyzed and over think about that broken hearted of urs and just live ur goddamn life. Its 2011 start a new chapter. Throw away that pain and start fresh. If u ever feel lonely start doing something to occupied ur boredom. LATER~

Happy New Year

I had lotsa fun on new year's eve. How was your new year? Well at first our plan was different and we ended up karaoke-ing at curve on new year's eve.

And then there's of course a spray incident which made my hair froze. Damn you guys for that. I think this is the best new year ever for me. I think 2011 will be my year.

Thanks you guys for celebrating new year with me and to those who can't make it so sorry we can't celebrate together. You know I love you no matter what. Lets hope 2011 will bring us all more joy, happiness, prosperous, and success. Insyaallah. LATER~