It hurts

Maybe you don't feel how I felt.
You don't know how painful it is.
It hurts to wait for something uncertain.
It hurts for feeling like a fool.

I need a solid answer
I don't need a mixed feelings.
I need to know if I'm not alone with this.
I don't want to feel like an idiot.

I've waited before
I've been in this position before.
It hurts so bad to get ditch.
If you're not into this just let me know.

Leave me hanging like this is painful.
I don't know what to do.
Worst thing is I don't even have anyone to tell this about.
I'm in this alone.

It hurts
I'm tired of feeling as though my heart is being stabbed
I hate of being like this
I hate to feel like an idiot.

I've pushed people away
I've turned down oppoturnity cause of you
I need to know if this worth it.
I can't afford another heart ache.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

The one that got away

The beginning was tough for me that you choose to leave and give up on me. As the days past by I'm starting to get strength and non stop moral support from my friends.

Then I met someone who prove to me that not every guy are the same. But this someone is also afraid of trying and taking chances. What I'm doing now is waiting. This waiting is worth it because I know he's worth the wait. Even for a thousand years.

Recently, I got a news which shocked me. He who got away claims that I've been stalking him and bad mouth-ing him in Twitter. I was in dead shocked because I've moved on. I've found someone new. My heart is at someone else, how could it be possible that I'm stalking him? I even hide him my news feed in order to moved on.

And if he really read my tweets 80% my tweets was dedicated to these dude I'm waiting. None of the tweets was about him. Prolly at the beginning of the break up but not now. You threw me away, you gave up on me, you neglected me, you didn't give me a chance instead you give someone else a chance that I used to deserve.

Logically, I would be wishing you're dead right now. You're nothing but a history to me. You don't mean anything to me. I thought we can be in a good term but you choose to act like a child. Go ahead and believe other people. So much of maturity you are there.

I may not be perfect, I may not be good, but I'm not a stalker and never will. It is a shamed for me to still have a lil hope for the one who got away to came back. That is not in my chapter of life. I only tried once, I will not gonna repeat the stupid mistakes twice and I choose to protect my pride than making a dumb move.

You think you know me? Well your thought wrong. Of course it kills me to see you and her at first because you said to me you weren't ready for a relationship. I'm just a normal human being. I have feelings and its torn. And thanks to you to prove to me that things happened for a reason. This is the reason why Allah SWT didn't allow us to be together because of your true color. Alhamdulillah, I've learned my lesson.

Although you threw me away, I wish for your happiness. If she can make you happy then I'm happy for you. And hopefully you don't regret making your decision.

LATER~
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Heartless?

I don't feel anything.
After my final is over I feel so empty inside.
Is this normal?
Should I be worried that I don't feel anything at all?
Or is it because that I'm so content with loneliness?

Most probably because I'm tired of fighting.
Maybe because I'm used of being trampled and fall down hard.
So whenever I am feeling off I don't feel anything anymore.
I'm so used of keeping it all inside.
Not because I want to run away from my real feelings.

Somehow I feel like building a wall so that I don't get hurt.
But without intention I pushed people away from my life.
It is selfish of me for doing so.
In order to protect my heart from being shattered I have to.
I have no choice.

LATER~

Hello December

Yes finally semester is over all of my struggles and stress is finally over. I'm in my 3 months break. I know right? Its crazy. What should I be doing for 3 months. Haven't quite figure it out yet though.

So I was thinking of looking for any cheap gym I can sign up with. Nothing fancy like fitness first or true fitness though I can't afford. Its not for losing weight but I need to start getting busy doing something healthy.

Or perhaps any boxing classes? would really need to punch someone to take of all this anger I kept. Any suggestion(s)? please lemme know.

I think I've lose my mojo in writing a blog. I've been so occupied with updating my twitter till I neglected my blog.

Have I mention how glued I am with twitter? I think I'm so addicted to it till I can't live without it seriously I don't know what's wrong with me.

Anyhow, whenever I blogged it will always be about a guy or about bunch of guys. You got that right. So I get to know this 1 interesting gentleman. Again someone from Kelantan. Idk what's wrong with me but they're so attractive.

Anyways, this dude is quite interesting. He's ofcourse hot. Don't lemme started with his body its just a PERFECTION. Surprisingly he likes fashion and he know a lot about fashion as well I was quite impressed with him. Although at times he can be a lil bit of annoying and boring but its still new ya know?

I need to get to know him a lil more better before decide for sure if he's boring or interesting. He reminds me of my so called ex but only the difference are this dude here share the same interest of fashion with me so there's a connection there and he likes music  as well.

Did I mention that he can play guitar? SCORE! I know. Any guy who can play guitar always a hottie to me. and with that body? phewww. I'm stoked.

Its normal for me to be excited for no reason and always the result sucks. Idk if he finds me attractive or not but I'll try to approach him and see how far will it goes.

Hopefully there's a good news though. LATER~