.....

It is embarrassing to show people how you actually feel.
It is hard to be vulnerable and to show how weak you are as a person.
Especially when you're the one that most of your peers look out for.
To maintain a good stable emotion is really hard especially when you've been through hell.

I must say that its never easy to face the fact that I've been cheated on and lied.
Of course I don't want to tell anyone that its actually a heart breaking.
My heart shattered into million of pieces yet no one seems to noticed anything.
I don't want people to judge me and think that I'm weak.

None of my friends knew that its killing me.
I can't seems to forget all the things that happened.
I wish I could erase all the memories we had but I couldn't.
I tried so hard to be poised and not to crack but I can't help it.

I'm too weak.
I'm not strong enough.
I tried to convinced myself that it doesn't affect me but it does.
I tried to smile and laugh but who am I kidding?

Its breaking my heart that I knew he's much more happier with her than with me.
Its killing me to see him being all happy and I'm here being miserable.
Its ripping my heart off when people sympathized me when they knew.
Its as though I'm a joke.

Every flash back suddenly appeared when I'm alone.
I tried so hard not to loose it.
I know I deserve much better.
I know this is part of Qada' and Qadar.

But I'm only human.
I'm a women with emotions.
I'm vulnerable and weak.
I'm not perfect and never will be.

I'm ashamed to admit that its killing.
I don't want to get the same lecture from different people.
I refuse to talk about it because I already knew what their responds is.
When I held it inside its ripping me apart.

I don't know how long will I take this time to heal.
Honestly, it hurts so bad.
This is the hardest experienced ever.
I hope I'm strong enough to face this.