Untangled

Have you ever feel so empty,
That even the cult on wrist is just painless?

Lately,
I'm feeling empty,
So empty that heartache of mine is in silence.

My screaming heart is no longer whining about pain,
It is filled with winds and emptiness.

The ambience of my heart is not describable,
My emotion is dead.

Sometimes I question myself,
Why am I feeling empty?
I couldn't find the answer.

My days are filled with the derived of wanting to be successful,
I pushed away the possibilities of being happy,

My mind told me to manipulate my heart,
Why?
Because the last time I listened to what my heart desired it screwed me.

Seems legit.

I'm at level where I'm in pain and wanting to cry myself out,
Not a single drop of  tears fallen,
And yes,
My wounded heart is not healed.

The saddest thing about being hurt is when you can't feel anything,
Its as though the has come to and end,
And for that very second you knew your heart dies.

I'm in disguise,
I put on my mask,
I'm wearing my fake smile to put on an illusion of a strong girl.

Deep within this strong girl is dying,
She's screaming but no one can hear.

She doesn't want people to perceived her as weak,
So,
She's bluffing everyone by portraying of how happy and poised she is.

Everyday I pray that everything would change,
I hope that I'll genuinely be happy,
But I knew that it is too good to be true. 

.....

It is embarrassing to show people how you actually feel.
It is hard to be vulnerable and to show how weak you are as a person.
Especially when you're the one that most of your peers look out for.
To maintain a good stable emotion is really hard especially when you've been through hell.

I must say that its never easy to face the fact that I've been cheated on and lied.
Of course I don't want to tell anyone that its actually a heart breaking.
My heart shattered into million of pieces yet no one seems to noticed anything.
I don't want people to judge me and think that I'm weak.

None of my friends knew that its killing me.
I can't seems to forget all the things that happened.
I wish I could erase all the memories we had but I couldn't.
I tried so hard to be poised and not to crack but I can't help it.

I'm too weak.
I'm not strong enough.
I tried to convinced myself that it doesn't affect me but it does.
I tried to smile and laugh but who am I kidding?

Its breaking my heart that I knew he's much more happier with her than with me.
Its killing me to see him being all happy and I'm here being miserable.
Its ripping my heart off when people sympathized me when they knew.
Its as though I'm a joke.

Every flash back suddenly appeared when I'm alone.
I tried so hard not to loose it.
I know I deserve much better.
I know this is part of Qada' and Qadar.

But I'm only human.
I'm a women with emotions.
I'm vulnerable and weak.
I'm not perfect and never will be.

I'm ashamed to admit that its killing.
I don't want to get the same lecture from different people.
I refuse to talk about it because I already knew what their responds is.
When I held it inside its ripping me apart.

I don't know how long will I take this time to heal.
Honestly, it hurts so bad.
This is the hardest experienced ever.
I hope I'm strong enough to face this.

Love is something that is not easily explained.

Love is something that is not easily explained
No one word can express it
And no one person feels the same about it
It’s waking up in the morning wanting to be with that one person
And going to bed feeling the same way
It’s knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with him
And it’s a feeling so great that no matter what anyone says will never be taken away
It’s crying every night when the one you love doesn’t love you back
It’s feeling that pain in your heart when you lose that one person.
But to just hear those three little words come from his mouth
And actually know he means it
That’s the best feeling in the world
To know that someone loves you for you
And wants to be with you forever
Love is hard to find, and even harder to keep
It takes time and effort to keep it going
But you don’t mind because you would do anything in the world to keep it
It’s knowing that when you come home you’ll have someone to share your day with
It’s that last conversation of the night before you fall asleep
He’s the first one you want when you wake up
The only thing that’s on your mind all day, every day
It’s knowing that someone’s always there for you to cry on
Someone’s always there for you to talk to about anything
And won’t judge you for that
It’s the person you feel the most comfortable with in the world
And to know that you have that
That you share that special bond with one other person
That’s the best feeling in the world.
But when you lose that feeling
When you lose the only thing that ever mattered to you
It seems like life has no purpose, no point at all
You feel like you could just curl up and die
That nothing or no one else matters to you
And the only thing that you’ve ever wanted is now gone
And you will do anything to get him back,
Because he’s worth it!
~K

http://southerngirlk.tumblr.com/post/20444188314/love-is-something-that-is-not-easily-explained-no