Haunting

I know people said that in order for you to move on is to forgive what has been holding you up.

Quite frankly, it's hard.

I know I have to forgive him 

I know I have to be genuinely forgiven him.

But I can't.

What he did is unacceptable, unforgivable, and despicable.

Ever since I've received his text about how sorry he was I just can't stop thinking about the awful thing he did to me.

It is painful and I do feel like he's no sincere enough to seek for forgiveness.

Every night I think about how much it hurts me.

Every day of my life it haunts me how terrified I am to ever give someone else a chance.

I don't believe in it, I've lost my faith in it completely.

I know I have to forgive him eventually.

I want a peace of mind.

I want to be able to not being afraid again.

I'm still waiting for time to finally forgiving him.

It's hard for me to forgive him when he keeps popping out unnoticed.

Whenever I think about it it made me angry and reminiscent of the pain i felt before. 

Make-up

"You know what’s crazy?! That some women don’t wear makeup to impress men. Some women do it because they like it. When I wear 5 different colors on my eyes with bright ass pink lipstick I KNOW that ain’t cute. But you know why I do it? Because makeup is about having fun and being artistic. I didn’t need your approval. I just think some men really need to put their egos to the side and STOP thinking that everything women do is to impress you guys."  - Anonymous 

Memories

I didn't tell any of my friends or anyone about this.
Well it's typical me for holding it in me every time I have a deep thoughts about something.

Now,
Ever since I've got that text all of sudden the stupid old memories keeps flashing back.

It suddenly appeared in my mind.
I kept remembering the painful and hurtful memories when I'm with you.

Especially the one when I fall sick because I was so upset of what happened between me and you.

I don't know how long it will take for me to finally get over it.
I'm not saying that I'm still holding on to this shit.
I'm saying that the awful memories kept haunting me.

I'm tired of seeing the same images.
I'm sick of pretending that I'm happy when obviously I was not.
I hate not telling anyone about it because I was so ashamed about it.

I just want it to end.
I want myself to be happy again with or without anyone by my side.

I hate looking myself in the mirror and start feeling sorry about myself.
I hate not having the confidence when I'm around people.
I just hate everything right now.

Maybe this is the reason why I'm always so moody lately.