regrets

i regret of doing something that i've promised not to do it again. i feel so bad after doing it. its like i cant even keep my self a promise. sigh. so anyways, i had a really good time the other day. all my sorrow were gone. i'm smiling and laughing again without even faking it. i know i've been saying for trillionz of times but i just found out that lots of people are reading my blog. and it creeps me out. seriously. cause i just simply typed what ever i have in mind. kept thinking that i am a horrible story teller. that's actually the reason i'd prefer to listen more than i talk. i think that i suck at telling stories. its like damn boring or something. i feel like i didnt attract anyone to listen about it more. so that's why it creeps me out to know that there's a lot of readers reading my blog with out being my follower.

so yeah it is a lil uncomfortable and embarrassing to let people read what's going on in my life and what i really feel. please do not judge me people. please. im not faking anything by the way. what i wrote is what i've been going through lately. and yeah i know that my grammar is such a mess. please ignore it. i know its so uncool for being this insecure but i cant hide it. im ashamed and scared that people judge me before knowing the real me. but hey maybe from this blog you can get to know me lil by lil isnt it? cause i'll never tell anything to anyone that im not used to. there are only a few people that i can trust with my stories. thanks honey's for lending your ears. cant leave with you guys ok? you know who you are.

anyhow, my whole body is aching like hell. i've been sleeping late and waking up early this past few days and i'm in pain. my body is so weak right now. gotta have a full good rest cause i dont want myself to get sick by next week. next week is my muet. i dont want to skip it again and waste my money again. so please mother and sister understand me stop pushing me. im a human not a robot ok?i need to rest too its not that im complaining but i need a good sleep. and please stop blaming and scolding me for sleeping so late. i mean its not that i dont want to sleep i just cant sleep. its like i drank 3 jugs of coffee or something. i dont know why. thats why i cant answer whenever you asked me. please try to understand and stop blabbering. you gave a massive headache here.

by the way, just a few minutes a go when i was browsing through my facebook friendlist i saw this chic at this dude's profile. my god she's damn preety. i love her flowy volume hair. its sort of blonde with a mixture of light brown and its wavy. sexy hair women. i envy you so much ok? even though she's chubbier than me but she have a perfect "muke cengkung" aka photogenic look. i just want your hair. real bad. seriously i hate my hair right now. it is so hard to manage. getting sick of it. i mean i cant tie a ponytail cause i'll look damn fugly with a ponytail. i have to iron it well and my iron is making my life miserable even more cause the temperature sucks. its not hot enough. i think i've gotta buy a new iron. or buy a curling iron instead. cool aye? i miss my curly hair.=(.it was so easy to manage ok? sigh. yes finally i feel sleepy before 12am. i want to sleep so bad now. LATER~