IDK

I dont know why but i seems to keep holding back from someone I like. Its like Im so afraid of him realizing that I like him and that he'll find a way to take advantage of it. maybe I still have this fear of losing someone that I get too attached to. idk everytime I tried to open up my heart to someone there's something to block me not to. maybe I've build loads of brick walls before and Im so comfortable with where my position is right now that Im afraid of feeling hurt again. Ive tried to but I cant. I still cant. Im still vulnerable. I know how pathetic I may sound but no I cant its just not worth getting hurt again. and recently most of my past keeps haunting me. maybe they dont know that actually they're terrifying me. they dont know how hurt I was back then. but what do guys really understand right? well they dont and never will. and maybe I havent found someone who can really show me that he's different from others and that he's sincere. I dont think this is setting a bar high this is a precaution that I must have to prevent me from getting hurt again. I know recently Ive been bragging about this one particular guy but me and him we're facing the same problem so its hard and complicated and chances are 0% for this to actually work. so i think its better for us to stay friends u know? there's no harm of being friend but I think he knows that slightly I kinda likes him and same goes to him but both us are too afraid of this shit so its better to to play it safe than losing him isnt it? like i always convinced my self by saying "hey chill L if its meant to be it will meant to be". so yeah I think Ive made my move before and now its time to see whats coming up next. hope that everything will be fine though. LATER~