Every girl have their flaws. No matter how beautiful how dead gorgeous she is she have her own insecurity. Lets go back to reality that no one is perfect. Indeed imperfection is a beauty but who am I kidding? No matter how much u try to convinced ur self that everything is fine u just cant. The truth is it really gets to me whenever anyone made an awful comments about my body. whether or not it is just a stupid joke by saying that i'm fat. it really kills me inside eventhough i'm smiling and act like i dont give a damn about it.
When i was in high school people do made fun of me. they call me fat. they call me chubby. they said i'm not attractive. the result is? my self esteem had just randomly vanished. i had none. seriously none. and they were also someone who made fun of me being too tall. indeed that is why i kinda wished im petite. well even my own relatives made fun of me. so yeah i have zero self esteem. i have no confident at all. thats why it's been so hard for me to actually start a conversation with anyone. thats why i've been so quiet if im not familiar with that particular clique or person. thats why im stage fright. u know that feeling when ure infront of a crowd when u're mind kept telling u that everyone is gonna judge how sucks u are.yeah that thought always keeps spinning around in my head whenever im standing infront of a crowd. thats why i hate attention or being noticed.
well now u know right? u don't see that coming did chu? how can someone so loud can be this vulnerable this insecure of herself. I must admit i dont feel like im beautiful or gorgeous or what ever u guys call it. for me im just a plain jane. theres a geeky side and lots and lots of awkwardness inside of me. i hate it when people think that im a party type. and when i told them i dont actually socialized that much they said i was talking crap. well guys this is the fact. i am indeed socially awkward. its all written in my face. dont get the wrong message by saying that im snobbish and arrogant for not being friendly its just me im awkward. i dont know what to talk to people i dont know or not familiar with. what i normally did is i ignore them. pretend that im not listening. pretend to be busy with my phone or something. im just awkward. once again AWKWARD.
I know u must be wondering then why the hell am i taking mass communication as my major? well sometimes u have to challenge urself out of ur own limit though. i know im not aggressive enough to be a journalist cz i dont talk much and its hard for me to start a conversation. but hey im learning. so please people stop judging people if u dont know their story. they have their own reason to be what they are now. dont blame me for being too awkward. next time get to know someone and then u can judge them. and to those who constantly have this ridiculous insecurity stop it. u need to over come that. its normal to have that feelings once and awhile but all the time and start comparing urself to other people then u have a huge problem. seek professional then. we are beautiful for who we are. if no one knocks u down then he/she is just remember that the reason why they did that is cz they have their own insecurity as well so by lowering someone else self esteem kinda boost up their self esteem. its like a sponge thing u know? so always have a positive mind. love urself 1st for others to love u. LATER~
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